Friday, November 30, 2012
Grief and Creativity
I have to be honest, I am baffled and mesmerized by the artists that seem to thrive on grief and turmoil. These days, I'm actually envious of them. Back in September, my beloved cat Mitzie was diagnosed with cancer in her jaw. My creativity immediately took a hit. I was okay with that, because I devoted my time and attention to her. Spending as much time with her as I could, and taking care of her as she declined.
When we had to say goodbye to her on November 18th, my creativity vanished entirely. I've barely stepped foot in my studio, except to grabbed random items needed elsewhere. Mitzie was part of our family for seventeen and a half years. Nearly half of my life.
My artwork is nearly always positive and happy. I don't like make sad pieces. I generally have no desire to put a piece out into the world that makes other people sad. Maybe that's why when times of great stress or in this case overwhelming sadness come, I don't want to create. I don't want to create artwork from grief, because I feel like it would intensify the feelings too much. I'm already a mess. I don't want to delve deeper into the abyss, because I don't want to get lost in it!
I know that eventually my desire to create will return. It always has. Though I have to admit, this is one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. I miss her terribly, and have thought of doing memorial pieces for her. My fear is that I will never be able to be satisfied with what I create for her. She was perfect, and it would be hard to live up to that in creating a piece about her.
For now, I will spend what time I can with our other kitty Molly, who is also seventeen and a half. I will try not to worry about her. I will try and let my creative self heal, and come back. Until then, give your furry family members some love for me.